Chupacabra Sighting in Texas

Texas, you never cease to amaze me. In honor of this video from CNN of a "possible chupacabra sighting in Texas," I thought I would give credit where credit is due and let everyone know that the chupacabra is not from Texas (although he does have a blood-sucking Texan cousin that actually made it all the way to Washington D.C.) :)

The chupacabra is, of course, from Puerto Rico. The word "chupacabra" literally means "goat sucker" and it comes from this creature's M.O. of sucking the blood and life out of goats and other livestock and leaving their drained bodies as nothing but bags of skin and bones. I had heard the word before but I didn't know much about it until I went to Puerto Rico. One night my adopted Puerto Rican mother and I were sitting on her patio, drinking our nightly Bacardi and guayaba juice, when her granddaughter came running outside to avoid her bath. My mother said, "Nena, I wouldn't stay out here if I were you, we just heard the chupacabra in the bushes." The little girl froze for a moment, turned white, and then ran back inside the house. "What's a chupacabra?" I asked. She died out her cigarette and leaned in closely. "You don't know about the chupacabra?" she whispered. Lourdes was a dramatic storyteller, and I could tell this was going to be a good one. "Not really," I said. "Oh well you have to know. You never know when one might appear...."

So it goes that in the early 1990's, there was a secret underground military base near Fajardo in Puerto Rico. Scientists there were experimenting with mixing the DNA of aliens with other animals, like dogs, lizards, and humans. Apparently there was a security breach at the facility, and one of the "creatures" escaped. Newspapers began reporting the death of livestock across the island, and curiously, the animals were typically found with two large puncture wounds in its neck and its blood completely drained. Some blamed satanic cult rituals for these killings, but as more and more animals were found dead across the island, people began "seeing" the creatures responsible, which were soon named chupacabras. Some described it as dog-like, some more alien-like, some more human-like. This website describes the 3 forms it can take:

The first and most common form is a lizard-like being, appearing to have leathery or scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back. This form stands approximately 3 to 4 feet (1 to 1.2 m) high, and stands and hops in a similar fashion to a kangaroo. In at least one sighting, the creature hopped 20 feet (6 m). This variety is said to have a dog or panther-like nose and face, a forked tongue protruding from it, large fangs, and to hiss and screech when alarmed, as well as leave a sulfuric stench behind. When it screeches, some reports note that the chupacabra's eyes glow an unusual red, then give the witnesses nausea.

The second variety bears a resemblance to a wallaby or dog standing on its hind legs. It stands and hops as a kangaroo, and it has coarse fur with greyish facial hair. The head is similar to a dog's, and its mouth has large teeth.

The third form is described as a strange breed of wild dog. This form is mostly hairless, has a pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, teeth, and claws. This animal is said to be the result of interbreeding between several populations of wild dogs, though enthusiasts claim that it might be an example of a dog-like reptile. The account during the year 2001 in Nicaragua of a chupacabra's corpse being found supports the conclusion that it is simply a strange breed of wild dog. The alleged corpse of the animal was found in Tolapa, Nicaragua, and forensically analyzed at UNAN-Leon. Pathologists at the University found that it was just an unusual-looking dog. There are very striking morphological differences between different breeds of dog, which can easily account for the strange characteristics.

Cree-py!
Apparently the chupacabra could also swim, because he soon made his way off the island of Puerto Rico and through the Americas, including the US, Mexico, and almost all of Central and South America. Surprisingly it hasn't made its way up to Canada...YET. Mua ha ha. Lots of people have reported sightings or even tried to find the chupacabra, including one man who spent $6 million of his own money to do so. Yikes. But to this day, this elusive beast remains unexplained and unidentified, and continues to haunt the imaginations of Puerto Rican children and adults alike.

And now, apparently, the chupacabra has decided to terrorize the small city of Cuero, Texas, a town interestingly named after the Spanish word for "leather" or "animal hide." Smells like a conspiracy to me! Although Cuero is also known, apparently, as the unofficial "turkey capital of the world" with their school mascot known as "the Gobblers," so truth be told the townsfolk might just be bored and need something to do...